09 Firefly War Stories - Episode 09 2002 English
Did you ever read the works of Shan Yu?
Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator?
Yep.
Fancied himself quite the warrior-poet.
Wrote volumes on war, torture, the limits of human endurance.
That's nice.
He said, "Live with a man 40 years."
Share his house, his meals, speak on every subject.
Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge.
"And on that day, you will finally meet the man."
- What if you don't live near a volcano? - I expect he was being poetical.
Sadistic crap legitimised by florid prose.
- Tell me you're not a fan. - I'm just wondering if they were.
The people who did this to your sister.
The government did this to her.
A government is a body of people, usually, notably, ungoverned.
Now you're quoting the captain.
I'm just wondering if they put her through this...
just to see how much she could take.
To truly "meet her," as Shan Yu would have said.
No. The more I see, the more I think their purpose was very specific.
And look at this. The pattern.
If they just wanted to hurt River, they wouldn't still be after her.
- But she's doing better. - I've tried a couple different medications.
She's sleeping better, but nothing really stable.
I'll keep trying.
Certainly got enough drugs on hand.
Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now.
Got your next heist planned?
No.
But I'm thinking about growing a big, black moustache.
I'm a traditionalist.
Hold, please.
So now we are past the preliminaries. The little questions.
Why you skim from protection fund.
How you could betray my trust.
This we are past.
Now we get to the real questions...
about who you truly are.
I'm sorry, sir.
I get to heart of matter, and always, interruptions!
One of our long-ranges picked up a read on the other side of the world.
Might be Serenity, Malcolm Reynolds' ship.
Oh, this is exciting news.
Send a team.
Bring him here to me.
Very exciting.
Yes, sir.
Now...
we get to spend some time finding out about your true self.
Tell me.
Are you familiar with the works of Shan Yu?
I said yes already. Where's the outstanding issue?
The councillor's an important political figure and a private...
So he comes here, instead of you going to his place.
What, is the ship not clean enough?
I just want the councillor to feel comfortable.
And when I say comfortable, I mean totally alone.
Oh, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
Shut up!
There's nobody sets foot on my boat that I don't meet them.
Don't worry, I won't start any sword fights. I'm over that phase.
I'd appreciate it if you'd keep the others from ogling.
One of you is gonna fall and die, and I'm not cleaning it up.
She took my apple.
- Jayne bought a crate of them. - And this one's mine.
Not anymore.
Oh, okay.
No power in the 'verse can stop me.
These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.
It's Jayne being so generous with this cut confuses and frightens me.
It does kind of freeze the blood.
Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?
- You do? - Her and the captain both.
Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on them.
Know what a Griswold is?
- A grenade. - About the size of a battery.
It responds to pressure.
Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Kasmir...
during the Winter Campaign. More than a week...
completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not 10 yards away.
We even got to talking to them.
Yelling across insults and jokes and such...
because no ammo to speak of, no orders, so, what are you gonna do?
We mentioned that we were out of rations, and 10 minutes later...
a bunch of apples rained into the trench.
And they grew into a big tree.
And they all climbed up the tree into a magical land...
with unicorns and a harp.
Blew off their heads, huh?
Captain said, "Wait." But they were so hungry.
Don't make much noise.
Just little pops, and there's three guys that kind of just end at the rib cage.
But these apples are health some, good.
Yeah, grenades cost extra.
We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people.
Then we can take a break and think about spending some of this money.
- All right! - Yeah!
Could've made more.
That wasn't a bad idea, Wash.
But eliminating the middleman, never as simple as it sounds.
You heard about...?
Half of the human race is middlemen...
and they don't like being eliminated.
This quadrant, we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.
So when you said that you didn't get a chance to tell the captain my idea...
- Uh-huh. - What you actually meant was...
that you told him my idea, he rejected it out of hand...
and you didn't argue the point or even give it another thought.
I gave, honey. I...
And then came the lying to me about it...
which for me, is the highlight of this little adventure.
Am I gonna get out of this with honour and dignity?
You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.
I didn't want to upset you.
What did you think of it?
- Of what? - My idea.
Call the local MDs. Forget the fence, go straight to the source.
Better prices, and we know the drugs get to the right people.
Captain thinks it'll get back to someone, just cause trouble.
Was I ever not asking what the captain thought?!
- Well, I tend to agree with him. - Tend to, or have to?
I love that you two are old army buddies...
you have wacky stories with rib cages...
but could you have an opinion of your own, please?
You're losing the high ground here, sweet cakes.
I'm sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it with...
I thought your plan was too risky.
- I thought. - Then tell me.
I am a large, semi muscular man.
I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal, he'll shoot it down for you. Tell me.
Right. Because what this marriage needs is one more shouting match.
No, what this marriage needs is one less husband.
Right now, it's kind of crowded.
Whoa.
- How you doing? - I threw up.
I'm sorry, it's a side effect.
We just have to find the right treatment for you.
- How do you feel now? - Going...
Going back like...
apple bits, coming back up.
Chaos.
But you felt okay this morning?
Played with Kaylee.
The sun came out, and I walked on my feet...
and heard with my ears.
I ate the bits, the bits that stay down.
And I work, I function like I'm a girl.
I hate it because I know it'll go away.
The sun grows dark and chaos has come again.
Bits, fluids.
What am I?
You are my beautiful sister.
I threw up on your bed.
Yep.
Definitely my sister.
Didn't Inara express a wish for privacy?
We gotta see who she's got.
Bet he's handsome.
Think he's gonna bring her flowers.
Oh, there he is.
Well, he looks the respectable sort.
Welcome aboard. I'm Captain Malcolm.
We're all clear here, councillor.
- Huh. - Oh, my.
Oh, gosh, I...
I knew she took female clients. I just...
They look so glamorous together.
I'll be in my bunk.
I'll be glad to see the last of it. Makes us a target...
Was River in here messing around?
The ignition sequence is all turned about.
- I can't even... - I can.
Well, get it set, Wash. We gotta get moving.
Here's a funny twist. No.
- No what? - No, sir.
Change the sequence?
Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all.
Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the captain.
The captain who's standing right here telling you that's not gonna happen?
Well, it's a dangerous mission, sir.
I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you...
to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure.
- I just can't take that right now. - Okay...
I'm lost, I'm angry and I'm armed.
- So if you have something you need to... - It's all right, sir.
We've dealt with Bosh before. It shouldn't be a problem.
And I wouldn't mind sitting this one out.
Oh, this is a:
But I don't have time to unwind it.
Wash.
Get her started.
Zoe, ship is yours.
Bye, hon.
We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas.
So...
are we gonna sing army songs or something?
That feels amazing.
Oh, right there. Oh, that's perfect.
- I should have done this weeks ago. - Hmm.
I wouldn't have been here weeks ago.
And that would have been a shame.
For me as well.
You have such beautiful skin.
There's no need for this show, Inara.
I just need to relax with someone who's making no demands on me.
Most of my clientele is male. Do you know that?
No.
If I choose a woman...
she tends to be extraordinary in some way.
And the fact is, I occasionally have the exact same need you do.
One cannot always be oneself in the company of men.
Never, actually.
So no show. Let's just enjoy ourselves.
You are so lovely.
- Look, this thing with you and Zoe... - I'm not looking to talk on that topic.
Hey, I let that niou-Se trick of yours slide because this is a milk run.
But when I go on a mission, I'm taking Zoe and that's the drill. You know that.
- What if we get into a situation here? - I've been in a fire fight before.
Well, I was in a fire.
Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.
I can handle myself.
And you understand what Zoe's job entails.
I'll learn as I go.
So now I'm learning about carrying.
Nice to know you're still trustworthy.
But not so trustworthy I don't want to see the money you promised me.
Can't believe you guys knocked over an Alliance hospital.
- The pair you have. - Yeah.
Stuff legends are...
Now I'm learning about scary.
I'll be in my bunk.
Jayne, grab your weapon.
- Why, what's going on? - Maybe nothing. Maybe trouble.
- The drop? - They're late.
They should have been back more than an hour ago.
We go by ground. We'll take the mule.
I'll go with you.
No offence, but I sure hope they don't need a preacher.
Three sets of eyes are better than two.
Might see something you don't.
Let's move.
None of them's ours.
This is precision work. Sharpshooters.
From the look of these wounds, I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle, laser sights.
You do a lot of shooting at the abbey?
Rabbits.
For stew, sure.
Whoever did this, they weren't after the goods.
We ain't gonna find them here.
They're off the planet already.
Only one type of transport I know makes a mark like this.
Fast-burn rocket-shuttle.
Craft like that not commonly part of a ship.
- More likely we're looking at... - Space station.
I know who's got them.
- I think I've been kidnapped. - Yeah.
- You see where we are? - No.
- Mal, what the hell is going on? - Ain't rightly sure.
- But you've got some theories. - Still working it through.
I don't want you to spare me. If you know what's happening, then tell me.
You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were with you, would you?
You would be planning and plotting and possibly scheming.
So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do.
And you know why?
Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back with the stories.
So I'm Zoe. Now...
what do I do?
Probably not talk quite so much.
Right. Less talking.
She's terse. I can be terse.
Once in flight school, I was laconic.
If I'm not gonna talk, then you have to.
- We just gotta keep our heads. - Right. Keep our heads.
That way we'll be able to, you know...
keep our heads.
You and Zoe been in plenty of situations like this before.
- Many a time. - Many a time, you and Zoe.
Once we know who took us...
Zoe and you, together in a tricky...
- Mal, she's my wife. - Huh?
What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?
- I didn't. - You did.
- She ain't here, Wash. - No, but she would've been.
- Okay. - I mean, I'm the one that she swore...
to love, honour and obey. Listen...
She swore to obey?
Well, no, not...
But that's just my point. You, she obeys.
She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose.
Look, Zoe and I have a history. She trusts me.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
You're making out like she follows my every word. That ain't true.
- Sure it is. - Not so.
There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey.
- Name one. - She married you!
What?
- Here's all I got left. - Thanks.
Jayne.
How do you know he won't just grab you as well?
Don't think that's like to happen. I walk in there unarmed, make the offer.
This guy has his own code.
Twisted as it may be. Very excited about reputation.
- He'll see reason. - Reason? He's a gangster.
The money he paid you for that other job was returned to him.
Could be he's harbouring some resentment at us.
Putting his man through our engine.
Wait a reasonable amount of time.
If you don't hear back, you take Serenity and get out of this quadrant.
This don't play out right...
there's no guarantee he won't come looking for the rest of you.
I'm not...
gonna say it...
again.
Shipboard romances complicate things.
- For who? For you? - For everyone.
Well...
what about love?
I ain't against it as a rule.
I mean, in situations such as ours, it tends to cause problems.
It splits loyalties.
- Know what I think? - What?
What, Wash? What do you think? Because I'm interested.
This policy you got against shipboard relationships...
that's just you projecting your own intimacy issues on everyone else.
Of course, could be a lot simpler than that.
Could be I just don't think you're good enough for Zoe.
- I don't give a gorram what you think. - Oh, don't you?
Zoe and I, we got a history.
And I figure you gotta be asking yourself...
some fundamental questions as to the nature of that history.
You never slept with my wife.
That a fact? You know that for sure, do you?
You ever ask her?
We been together a long time before you came along.
And she's a damn fine-looking woman.
Never happened. Know how I know?
How? Tell me.
This whole captain thing isn't Zoe's trouble.
It's "the guy she never slept with" thing.
Mal, I wish you had slept with her.
Then at least she'd be over it.
You want me to sleep with her?
- Would that make you feel better? - It might.
I imagine it would do wonders for her too.
- Screw you. - Get in line.
Okay, Wash, I'm gonna do it.
Wash. Wash, listen.
First thing when we get back...
Listen to me!
The first thing when we get back...
I'm gonna take your wife into my bed. Yeah?
I'm gonna get me a piece of...
I'm unarmed.
I wanna talk to Niska.
Huh.
No, no, no.
Run. Run.
Five times what you paid for the train job.
Yes, you have had, you say, good times.
I see that.
Should be more than enough to buy back my men.
- This is your opinion, is it? - It is.
They are perhaps damaged now.
- Are they worth so much to you? - Yes.
And to me, they are worth more.
I think this is not enough.
Not enough for two.
But sufficient perhaps for one.
- You now have... - Him.
I'm sorry. You were going to ask me to choose, right?
Do you wanna finish?
He is yours. We are ended now.
- Mal? - Just keep walking.
A moment please.
This money, it is too much.
You should have some small refund.
Now we are ended.
He's insane.
- I know. - I mean, you told the damn stories.
Saved you in the war.
I didn't know.
- You mean Mal? - He's crazy.
He wouldn't break, Zoe. He kept me from...
Okay.
- I wouldn't have made it. - Shh. Shh.
This is gonna kill him.
He's gonna make it last as long as possible.
Days, if he can.
Bastard's not gonna get days.
- Thank God you're safe. - What happened?
- How bad is it? - I'm fine.
- Where's Mal? - Niska wouldn't let him go.
- Is he alive? - For now.
Take that to the infirmary. Put it on ice.
What is that?
It's his ear.
- We're getting him back. - What are we gonna do, clone him?
Well, it's a clean cut.
With the right equipment, I should be able to re-attach it.
That's assuming there's a head.
Do you know the writings of a Shan Yu?
Are you starting a book club?
Or what, are you trying to torture me?
Yes, today we meet you.
And you're quite a man, an extraordinary man, yes.
But these are not times for extraordinary men.
Business is not war.
Heroics are unseemly, they complicate.
For you, I have...
special machine.
Very precious.
And they say people don't look like their pets.
Well, let us see if we can meet the real you.
Here, six shots and then just drop it. Keep moving.
This here is suicide.
You know that, don't you?
You really think you can mount a two-man frontal assault...
on Niska's Skyplex and live?
Technically, it's a one-man, one-woman assault. A unisex.
- Grenades? - Oh, yes. Thank you, dear.
- He won't be expecting it. - Right, because they ain't insane.
I just got a wave from Inara.
No luck with the councillor.
What are they doing?
Fixing to get themselves killed.
- We're gonna go get the captain. - Oh, good.
- Can they do that? - No.
You know...
there's a certain motto.
A creed among folks like us. You may have heard it.
"Leave no man behind."
Suicide.
Got a good look at the layout on the way in last time.
You let me lead. Cover my...
back.
What's this?
We're going with you.
If it were any one of us, captain wouldn't hesitate.
Here you go.
- This should do. - Preacher...
don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Quite specific.
It is, however, somewhat fuzzy around the subject of kneecaps.
If you look for me to talk you out of it...
What?
Let's go get the captain.
Yep. He's dead.
Mr. Reynolds?
You died, Mr. Reynolds.
Seemed like the thing to do.
When you die, I can't hurt you anymore. And I want two days at least. Minimum.
I think many people know the name Malcolm Reynolds.
And many know he crossed Niska.
They must know what happens after that.
They must know that business is still running.
You think this will work.
Well, except for the com static, I'm piping out on all frequencies.
We've been powered down since I fired the attitude thrusters a half-hour ago.
We'll show up on their screen as a glitch if they aren't looking close.
- What if they are looking too close? - Hell, I'm just glad we're on course.
It's like throwing a dart, Jayne, and hitting a bull's-eye 6000 miles away.
That's my man.
You guys better get down to the bay.
We'll be at their front door in less than a minute.
I'm right behind you, baby.
- Book, you good? - Yes, ma'am. Ready when you are.
How you doing on that override sequence?
Pretty sure this will pop their air-lock doors if Wash can get a seal his first try.
I'm smelling a lot of if coming off this plan.
You could've stayed in your bunk.
Could've, should have, would've.
We're set.
Okay, people. If it moves, shoot it.
- Unless it's the captain. - Unless it's the captain.
Listen...
if you got guests, I can come back later.
Move, move, move. Take cover!
Second team, hold this position.
We lose this ground, we lose it all.
You're going to hold this ground.
Understand me?
- Understood. - Okay then.
Viktor, what is it?
- Viktor! - Ah!
Looks like business ain't running so much as crawling away.
You wanna meet the real me now?
Gorram it!
Ah!
Book, we...
Get behind us, preacher. We need cover.
Don't think, just shoot.
Can't look. Can't look.
No power in the 'verse can stop me.
Haven't you killed me enough for one day?
Jayne, this is something the captain has to do for himself.
- No. No, it's not. - Oh.
You sure this thing's gonna stay on?
This dermal mender creates an excellent tissue bond.
It should be fine. Just don't fiddle with it.
Be sure to thank the councillor for me.
Awful nice of her to pull some strings and lend us this equipment.
Least she could do.
- I just wish you'd killed that old bastard. - I got regrets on that score myself.
So...
I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there.
How you faring with that, doctor?
I don't know. I never shot anyone before.
I was there, son.
I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet.
Hmm. Wife's soup. I must have done good.
Yes, dear. You done good.
Ow.
- Did you tell her? - Tell her what?
Your husband has demanded we sleep together.
Really?
What...? Mal, come on.
He thinks it would get all this burning sexual tension out in the open.
You know, make a fair fight for your womanly affections.
No, that was the torture talking, remember the torture?
I know it's a difficult mission...
but you and I...
have to get it on.
I understand. We have no choice.
Take me, sir. Take me hard.
Now, something about that is just downright unsettling.
We'll be in our bunk.
Oh.
Oh, hey. Free soup.